Egypt - The Discovery
Sabot Hechklear from Egypt!
From my hotel next to the Nile, (“Nile” is Egyptian for “garbage removal service”) you see Cairo to the east and the pyramids to the southwest. At least, the pyramids everyone associates with Egypt. Egypt has about 88 major pyramids and numerous additional temples and burial sites. Most archeologists feel there are still numerous sites covered by the shifting sands. Whoever built the pyramids, the ancient wonder of architecture, has left the building. Driving around Cairo will convince you quickly of that. Not that Egypt is any different in modern times from most places, but most places don’t have the meticulously built 5,000 year-old pyramids next door for comparison. That would be like an infant solving the theories of time, space and dimension, then not being potty-trained at age 58.
Signs and sites are entertaining, if you read or observe them exactly like they are written and not how someone intended you to read them. For example, about 4 blocks from our office, is an Oral Dentist. That would have to be the best kind. I must say, I greatly prefer an Oral Dentist, whom I assume works on your teeth through your mouth to one that works on your teeth through another orifice, such as a Nasal Dentist accessing teeth through your nose, or an Ear Dentist. It gets worse from there!
We finally took a day off to visit the pyramids and the Great Sphinx. After some intense bargaining that could have resolved all differences in the Middle East, we rode camels through the desert from the edge of Cairo to the Pyramids and Sphinx. Yes, you can drive as several thousand chose to, but it is the ambiance (or is it ambulance?) that is important. At first we had the humiliation of having two 10-year-olds lead our four camels through the desert, but I finally convinced them I was not an ignorant American, but an ignorant Texan. The guide finally agreed to loose my camel, which I promptly spurred into a dead run. Actually, I Nike’d him into an awkward lope. A camel running looks like the school nerd carrying all his books and trying to get away from bullies. The other guys weren’t so bold, so they continued to have 10-year-olds lead their camels and had to suffer the humiliation of name calling. At least, until they said they were going to beat me up if I didn’t stop calling them names.
A shop here, especially close to the pyramids, not seen at home is the papyrus shops. Papyrus is the reed-based paper used for thousands of years by the Egyptians to record events. Our driver was going to take us to a special “museum” in route to the pyramids which ended up papyrus shop. As in most countries, the drivers are in cahoots with shops and get a kick-back of anything bought by someone they bring into a shop. I have to admit that short of times I have tried to get a free watch/camera/$10 million for doing nothing more than listening to a short time share presentation, I have never been subject to the high pressure sales techniques employed by the shops selling Papyrus and Lotus perfume in route to the pyramids. And, it wasn’t just any Papyrus or Lotus perfume, but they actually had the exact formula found in 19xx in pyramid x or burial chamber x that was not available anywhere else in the world, or on this planet. After being here and seeing all this, I actually have a theory that the Pyramids weren’t actually burial chambers for the Pharaohs, but actually timeshare condominiums with Nile frontage that you could trade for a similar condo operated by the Incas in Peru or the Mayans in the Yucatan. Linguistically, I now know that “gypped”, such as “he gypped me out of my investments,” is derived directly from these shops in Egypt, or E-gypped.
I also got to see a lot of Egypt to the east where our oil rigs are. Driving through the desert in Egypt is an event, as it is all the interesting parts of the world. For visualization, let’s take I-45 between Dallas and Houston. First thing we do is lop off one side. All you really need is two lanes on the same side with a solid white line that never designates passing. That’s because passing is always allowed. Also two lanes is more than efficient considering that there are perfectly drivable shoulders on both sides. Also, having all the lanes together is efficient because if one direction, say north, is not using any of the lanes, south is quite capable of using all five. “Five?” you ask? Of course, five: the two original lanes that are more than big enough for three vehicles plus two shoulders. The maximum speed limit is about 95 miles per hour and minimum speed limit is donkey cart. To take my mind off of safety, I tried knocking myself unconscious on the dashboard each time we had a braking emergency for a minor event, such as head on traffic. I was unsuccessful, however, and remained fully alert for most of the 16 hours over four days we were in the car having bowel functions tested.
It took us over two hours to access one of the crew ships to the first rig because the ship was moored at a naval base, who had the only jetty for miles into the Gulf of Suez. The commander of the base had went to bed and told the guard he was not to be disturbed. Evidently the way they refused to yield to anyone, he must have said he would have them shot, buried, dug up and shot again and would subject all of their kin, girls they dated in high school and anyone they played little league with to extreme, unyielding and never-ending torture. There was no way they could possibly have known that someone would show up today, as our guys had for the previous 187 days in a row, to take the crew boat out to the rig. The commander finally awoke after a two hour wait and we made it to the boat. After we finished up our tasks about 11 pm and took the boat back to the jetty at the navel base, the guards seemed genuinely surprised to see someone drive up in a crew boat. Once again, this had only happened 187 days in a row, so there was no way they could have possibly forecast it.
We finally arrived at a “Sea-Side Resort” at about 1:30 am pretty much exhausted. “Sea-Side Resort” is Egyptian for “No-Air-Conditioning.” I forgot to mention that while Cairo was in the 90’s, it was 117 degrees on the west side of the Red Sea. At 1:30am there were five people at the front desk to check us into the Resort. At 8 am the next morning, there was only one person to check us out. After waiting for a substantial time we learned that although he was assigned to the desk, his only actual duties were to nod and smile. The cashier did all the actual checking out and he was asleep after leaving instructions that if disturbed, not only would he have the assigned clerk shot, buried, dug up and shot again, he would also subject all of his kin, girls he dated in high school and anyone he played little league with to extreme, unyielding and never-ending torture. Fortunately, I got to ride a helicopter and overnight on next rig once we got to the east side of the Red Sea, so transportation and living quarters (with A/C) substantially improved.
The history here is awesome. Our Marriott hotel is a converted palace built in the mid-1800’s to celebrate the opening of the Suez Canal. It is referred to as “new”. Speaking, or writing of the Suez Canal, I got to see it. We were driving through the desert when I looked up and saw a huge container ship crossing the desert directly in front of us a couple of miles ahead. I had seen several mirages while we were driving, but until this they all looked like real lakes a few miles off. I kept staring trying to figure it out, when suddenly the road went behind a sand dune and started downward. After descending for a while, we came to the tunnel under the Suez Canal. It was a relief to know I had really saw a container ship sailing through the middle of the desert, or at least passing through the Suez Canal. I thought I had eaten too much foule (fantastic Middle East bean dish) at breakfast.
I also find it ironic that while I have been staying at a hotel on the bank of the West Nile, there are no cases of the West Nile Virus, like back in Houston… I hope everything is well with you and yours. Let me know how things are going.
Take care and Motsalama!
-Keith