The Return to Egypt
Shalom to Everyone from Egypt!
I am wrapping up my third week in Cairo and am ready for home. Egypt is one of my favorite places, however, but that does not mean everything is “normal” as we define “normal.” The Bangles released a song about 15 years ago called “Walk Like an Egyptian.” While I am unclear exactly how an Egyptian walks, I can emphatically state that a really good song title would be “Drive Like an Egyptian.” It would have a really fast beat with really scary lyrics. The accompanying dance steps would leave the participants hyperventilating and colliding with other dancers and even observers sitting several tables back from the dance floor or in other rooms or buildings. Here is an actual response one of the managers in the Cairo office received from a local employee that didn’t show up for work one day:
“Three weeks ago my headlights go out and I can’t flash (Egyptians usually drive with headlights off – even at night – but they flash lights as a warning if someone appears about to pull out in front of them) – no problem; two weeks ago my brakes go out – no problem; yesterday my horn go out. No way anyone can drive in Egypt without a horn.”
The Scottish manager immediately classified the day off as “excused absence for cause.” I fully agree with the explanation. I think the honking is really some type of Morse Code that allows the Egyptians to communicate when they are in the confines of their cars. There could be no other possible reason for the sheer amount of honking that occurs here. I could lift 500 pound weights with only my wrists if I spent a year honking as much as any Egyptian driver.
Instead of traffic lights, Egypt has roundabouts at street intersections. Everyone from all streets turn right into the turnaround and then turns right out of the roundabout. When someone is turning right on the intersecting street at the roundabout, they enter the roundabout, circle one-fourth, then turn right again. If someone is going straight on the street they came in on, they still enter the turnaround, circle one-half to the right, then turn right and continue on the original street. A left turn means someone has to circle three-fourths then turn right, resulting in an ultimate left turn on the intersecting street. Unless the someone is Egyptian. The Egyptian realizes it is much more effective to just turn left on the right-flowing roundabout. The resulting accidents are innumerous. Virtually every morning we have swerved to avoid a car or at least saw one on the roundabout going the wrong way.
I have also noticed a significant number of cars driving the wrong direction on divided highways. I have learned that the wrong way traffic is often due to the police. The police now have radar guns to clock traffic. As a result, speeders have started driving on the wrong side of the divided median so if they go by a radar trap, the policeman will not be able to get their speed since they are headed away from the radar when they come in range. So if an Egyptian is planning on speeding he will intentionally drive INTO traffic. The donkey carts (yes, actual carts pulled by donkeys…) are going so slow on the major freeways with traffic zooming by at 60-80 mph, it doesn’t really matter which direction they are going in order for a serious accident to occur. Some cars, trucks, tractors, and city buses drive the wrong way because it is too far to the next crossover for a U-turn. In Egypt “too far to the next crossover” could mean ten feet in the wrong direction to U-turn, versus 5 miles against traffic, but going in the direction you want to go. I do not believe I have made the 20 minute trip from the hotel to the office, all on freeways, one time in three weeks without seeing at least one car in either the right line or left lane going in the wrong direction.
Our first week here, someone was apparently setting off dynamite outside the office about a quarter mile up the hill. The office is on the edge of the desert and not in downtown Cairo, but this is still unsettling. Evidently the hill is blocking some local Egyptian’s view of the rocks and sand. About our second day we were working when the window in the office shook violently accompanied by a loud “boom.” You could then see the plume of smoke and debris. It could have been an Egyptian’s attempt at a car bomb that didn’t make it all the way to the target. Later we had a couple of more instances of “fire in the hole.” Potholes are hell on car bombers.
The hotel is a nice JW Marriott. It would rank 5 camels in anyone’s book. It is the little things that make them stand out. For example, every night they turn down my covers, fluff my pillows, place my hotel-provided slippers by the bed and place on the pillow a foil wrapped little Halls Cough Drop. And, not just any cough drop, but one with menthol and vapor action! They also have placebo metal detectors at the entrance to the hotel and most buildings. But if you don’t look like a terrorist, you could pull a howitzer through behind you and they would wave you on. I accidentally carried my packed computer bag through one metal detector and the alarm did not go off. When I tried to hand the bag to the guard so he could check it, he just waved me on.
Other cultures have different value systems. One culture might value cottage cheese as a delicacy while another culture might correctly see it as a plastic tub of regurgitation. Another example is the common dung beetle. Dung beetles (a.k.a. doo-doo bugs in my neck of the woods) are good luck charms to Egyptians in both ancient and current times. Merchants might hand you a small carved beetle after a transaction as a thank you. Now I struggled with the fact that a beetle that spends it’s whole life pushing a ball of dung around as being good luck. It reminds me too much of my job. However, I learned that the reason it is good luck is that the beetle is pushing the dung around because its’ eggs, and later its’ young are in the dung and the constant rolling keeps them from getting too hot! I’m thinking if the stupid beetle hadn’t put it’s eggs in dung, or the most repulsive substance it could locate, to begin with, it wouldn’t have to push it around constantly. Fortunately I can report while the Egyptians admire this trait in the beetle, they do not attempt to mimic it. (I cannot say the same thing about the US Congress and their constituents, however.)
In conclusion, Egypt is one of the coolest places on the planet. Even at 108 degrees like the day I went to the pyramids. I highly recommend it for a vacation.
Matzalama!
Keith